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here's what she says that reassures me. i don't know what it reassures me of yet. but i find it reassuring. she says that she's thinking about what she did all the time. she says that when she lets herself not think about it for a little while and gets caught up in something else it catches up with her and strikes her and she can't breathe. she also said that she broke down and cried after she heard about my medical news and called her mom. she also said she wants to know what i need from her right now. and i have NO idea what to tell her. she also said she wants to know what i need from her in order to rebuild trust again between us. and also, i have no idea what to tell her. i am going to really have to think about the answers to those questions. my sense is that i'm not going to be able to get what i want and need until i see her in person and kind of navigate through what that might mean and look like. but until then i really don't freaking have a clue. |
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