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we said goodbye last night. she leaves for el salvador in a week. but we tried to spare me the pain of having to watch her pack up her life for a year of work and travels. it was really painful watching her do that for the last trip which was only 4 1/2 months. i walk away knowing that she loves me. and that we had a really amazing, loving, strong relationship when it was at its best. and at its worst, it was clear that we just were not in the same place. we got through a lot though. navigated coming out together (hers), navigated some tricky family relationships, and some other hard moments. the last five weeks has been a reminder that we really do love each other quite deeply. but also, that it is not the right time for us. i won't hold on to the idea that there might be a right time for us, because i know that is not the healthiest approach. i will always love her though. and part of me might always wish that it could be different. no matter what though, i still believe it was worth it. loving her was worth the heartache. and i have learned a lot about myself and about myself in relationships. i also know a lot more now about what i want next. she has been the love of my life so far, and i'm happy to say, like all the advice i was given on how to do this, we parted with love. |
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