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i was totally miserable last friday. i didn't want to be at work. i was like a faucet with the tears. it's been a rough time on the edge of the end of this relationship. still living in it, and enjoying it, but knowing that the end is near. i have to find other things in my life that give me the same joy that spending time with t gives me. that is my goal for the next 6 months. i'll need to get busy figuring out what i really want to do with my life and move in that direction. and i have to make new connections so i don't fall into the lonely abyss that seems to await me once she leaves. it may sound melodramatic, but i have found that having regular intimate contact is really important to my overall well being. i'm not specifically talking about sex. although that is important too. but intimacy. knowing that someone cares about my day. wants to hear about my stuff. that is a big deal. i get so quiet and introverted in the spaces where T and i have been apart and it slowly eats at me. it is a bad scene. i just want us to go on good terms. and i do want to leave open the space that she may come back to me when she is ready. of course i can't count on that. a year is a lot of time and space. there is no guarantee. i wish a lot of things could be different about this situation. but, i really want us to go with love. send each other off with love. |
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