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i picked up toni with her mom at the airport friday night. i was really nervous, her mom even commented about how nervous i seemed. but once we saw each other it was ok. we went back to her mom's new place and t looked around. we talked for a while but she was wiped so that was pretty much the extent of it that night. she did give me a few goodnight kisses which absolutely filled up my heart. i hadn't kissed anyone since i last kissed her 4 1/2 months ago. and i couldn't wait to get some love and affection. seriously. i've discovered more and more about myself that i really thrive in life in general when i have some physical and emotional affection in my life. ok so then saturday i spent the day with dev and caleb. we went to turtle bread. and all in all it was a very nice day. i got a call from t's mom that afternoon asking me to dinner, which was a really nice surprise. she's been really welcoming to me, which has been good but also a little bit hard because in the back of my head i'm wondering if toni and i can ever get some time alone. but it's all so new, T being back, i can understand why she wants to get all the time in that she can. and it's been so nice that she's been so welcoming to me. i really appreciate that. then yesterday i had brunch with my family, and then headed down to northfield to do some morel hunting but i ended up hanging out with cass while pete and brandon went morel hunting. this was fine by me. pete was kind enough to get me some morels to take home anyway. and then last night, this was a little bit of a hard night because i'd hoped toni would come see my apartment but she and her mom were making pie and so they just invited me over. this is when i started to get a little worried about having some privacy with t. but i may be jumping the gun on the worry. she's still adjusting. but our talk last night, which we didn't finish, was hard. about being scared to get involved again. both of us. but more her. and i just don't know where to go with that right now. i want to figure it out with her. whatever that means. anything that is the opposite of going our own ways. i want not to do that. |
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