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so i'm back from the land of costa rica. it feels weird being back. but good. i feel a lot better than when i left. with all that uncertainty hanging around. but now i know a lot more than i did before. and i went and spent time with a woman who has matured and grown and knows what is best for her and acts on it. we operated as friends for the most part, with that line being a little bit flexible here and there. but i like what she said about this space and distance is what is best for both of us right now, and what is best for us together, to get some perspective, not to muddy the waters. and of course we both miss the relationship that we had, but we have to face the reality of this new relationship that we have to build out of the mess that she created. and i like that she was focussing on the good things that we were bringing to each other in this new thing that was going on. and i like that she is working on her stuff and processing and insisting on the time and space that she needs, knowing that she is not in a place to give me what i need and deserve. and i am confident that if we were to start again, she would be there with all of herself. i also like that she hasn't moved on. she is still very much invested and involved in "us", but definitely has to figure some stuff out. and i like that she isn't ready to reminisce about our relationship like it is something of the past. she still wants it in her present. and that is a relief. on that, i wasn't so sure going into all this. so we left it that we're going to keep in touch. that we'll work on more stuff when she gets back and we're on common ground, and it will be easier here and easier now because we got a head start in costa rica, which turned out to be a pretty decent place to get a head start. and yeah, so i'm excited because she says there is more, and that we will always have more time. in terms of the place, here is what i have to say: san jose is not my favorite place in the world. it is kind of and run down. but the people are friendly, and i did enjoy the churros and the mercado de artesenal. we went to monteverde which in the cloud forest. we had some rain. of course. but also got out to the butterfly garden and to the cheese factory and on a hike on these hanging bridges (scary) suspended over the trees etc. we saw a sloth (sort of), an owl, and lots of assorted fauna. we also saw a monkey and a giant toad at the butterfly garden. we then made the trek to montezuma which was by far my favorite place on the trip. it was beachy and mountainous and so gorgeous. breathtaking, really. and we stayed right on the beach. like ten feet away. we got up in the am, went for a swim, got ready for the day, walked to the waterfall or walked down the beach or went to the shops in town. it was all awesome, and the place where my mood started to even out and even get really positive. it is where i actually started to have a really great time. and then we went back to san jose, and a hotel messed up our reservation, and i got whiny and upset, but it worked out, and we got a free night out of the deal. and now i'm back. feeling much better than when i left, so, that's that. and i know she is going to miss me. until i see her again. and hopefully she'll have some time to do some sorting on her own, and will be in the best possible place when i see her again. and i will write more about some of our funny adventures. this is just a snapshot. |
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