| � | sometimes | � | ||
i've been so super emotional and waterworks-like around toni lately and it's funny because when i'm not with her i totally am keeping it together and am not feeling the same overwhelming emotions of sadness and loss and anxiety etc and here is what i think it is: this whole thing, her trip and all that's led up to it has been like tearing off a band aid incredibly slowly. since i've known her this trip has been in the plans. it's taken a little longer to get together than she anticipated and that has prolonged the feelings associated with ripping off a band aid slowly. and now that it's real, since she got the ticket, everything seems to be about her leaving. and this is what i also think. i operate better under quick decision/quick action mode. that is more how i operate. and i can deal with everything that goes along with that better. so what i'm saying is that this is me operating under someone else's timeframe. and that explains some of the waterworks. but anyway, i like what she says about how this trip is sort of a remnant from her single life and how it's spilled over into our relationship life. i find that really comforting, although i haven't processed exactly why i like that so much yet. and also, that she is excited for sept 15. when she is home and we can start again for real. she says she doesn't know what she's doing yet but i'm definitely there (i knew that part but it's nice to hear anyway). plus, i do have this whole costa rica trip to look forward to, so there is that as well. |
||||
| * | newest � archives � profile � email � design � host | |||
| � |
recently... Big life changing news - 2010-04-15 decided - 2010-04-06 Full month off - 2010-02-16 this will do - 2010-01-26 nyc new year - 2010-01-11 |