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this weekend was hard. i'm trying to be positive. and there were some perks. riley is the big perk, as toni and i had a blast watching her saturday night. we also were watching two pups and that was kind of a pain in the arse but we still managed to enjoy ourselves. i feel like we're both checking out of this relationship. and i'm scared about it. i don't want to lose her. i feel like we went through so much and i feel so lucky to have recovered and made it back to happy with her. i'm angry that she has to go again. but i'm also trying to step back (mostly unsuccessfully) and listen to her and trying to support her with what she needs right now. i'm so stressed out though. i don't want this to be the end. i want more time with her. i don't want her to go, but since she has to go, i will understand. i don't want her to have to be outside of this relationship. i don't want to be this thing that is hard for her. i want to be the good things. the love and laughs and joy. i want to continue to share those things with her. and i know that we have come to this relationship in different places in our lives, but this is what happened, we met now, that happened and i don't want to walk away from that because it's not the best timing. i want to work with what we have. to meet in the middle. |
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