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this is apparently my venting space now. probably could do this a little less publicly but fuck it. so i haven't slept more than 2 hrs since 10pm monday night. today is wednesday morning. i even took sleeping aids and still my thoughts are keeping me awake. things like, for the love of god she left me a voice message wednesday morning telling me how much she loves me and misses me. and how she said on her audio card that all of her journeys end in my arms. including this one. and sitting on the couch with her as she put on the song the promise which was too much to take for the both of us and listening to her say "i always thought i should have someone to wait for me" and me saying, "of course you do". and i would have waited for her. as long as she asked. now she fucked up, hasn't even really asked me to forgive her, is telling me that maybe she wasn't in love with me this whole time (wtf?) and what i hate the most is that she is probably sleeping soundly over there and i'm here hurt and restless and in more emotional pain than i've ever experienced in my entire life. my best case scenario in all this is that she got really freaked got scared handled that in the most hurtful and inappropriate way possible. but that is just the best case scenario. i'm now the walking wounded, hurt by someone that i know loves me, and i just don't know what to do with all of it. so i make it a public spectacle. i guess. |
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