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had quite a nice weekend. i had shabbat with naomi at her place. played a little with her troublemaker cat. and then saturday was finalize the rooomate situation day, where i met two new people and had one person come again (she ended up getting the spot). she's cool. she's an artist and seems fun. i'm sure we won't have a problem living together. so that is happening at the end of this month. i'm happy that everything is changing and also that it's changing around me and is not going to take a lot of effort on my part. i'm just not ready to move. it's been kind of good and kind of hard with my ladyfriend lately. the kind of good is that i'm feeling good and doing my thing and not worrying too much about missing her etc but the kind of bad is that we've been struggling with the how much do we talk how much do we email what kind of communication is important to us and what kind of things are important to talk about and that sort of thing. it's just kind of messy and complicated and i think what she wants (space, as she says, which is hard for me to really get because from what i can see all she has is space) and what i want, to keep in touch as best and as much as possible. to have scheduled time to talk and to make it a priority. to email (daily would be ideal but not realistic considering her limitations). and to surprise each other with "i miss you" calls, "i'm thinking of you" calls. but then when i think about it i'm wondering what my problem is, why i can't just really step back and have us both do our own thing knowing that we're coming back together in 8 weeks now. i think my resistance is that i don't want to think that our lives can be separated that easily. that we can or should just go our own ways for a while. that's just not what i want from this love. and i think if we separate, and the more we separate, the harder it will be to come back together, and start again. so i am navigating through what i want, and also trying to give her what she wants, and hoping that we both get what we want out of this in the end. |
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